A Bigger Cup

Top Ten

2011-07-01T08:28:00.003-04:00

Top Ten Items that I Can't Seem to Keep Enough of in the House

Closely related to a year round list, but special because with the exception of some working teenagers, the kids are home 24/7:

10. Lemon juice
We have kids who make their own lemonade.

9. Sugar
See number 10.

8. Pool Towels
Really, people. We have towels with your names on them. We have a clothes line. Where could the towels be going?
(Note: There is no shortage of laundry this summer.)

7. Fruit
This is actually a year-round item, but always in such short supply. My kids eat 4-5 pieces of fruit EACH each day. I kid you not. A little summer math: 5 pieces of fruit times 5 kids home = 25 pieces of fruit/day....never mind the cost of a good apple...

6. Coffee
I am finding that I am drinking more coffee in order to stay up later and play games with the kids. And truly, is there ever enough coffee to keep up with teenagers?

5. Houseguests
The kids love having company. Friends all hours of day and night. This is a good thing --- and they keep wanting more. Today alone: 17 year old has two friends coming to swim in the pool. 19 year old is running a group counseling session at our house today. Neighbors coming over to play volleyball.

4. Ice cream
How can we possibly be out of ice cream again!!

3. Clean glasses
The cabinets are empty of glasses, but the kitchen island seems to grow them. Hummmmm......

2. Toilet PaperReally. I'm going to take them to school every day just to use the rest rooms. I had no idea how much money I was saving every day because they use the potties there.

1. Summer Days Truly. I need more. It's July 1st already and I want to have an infinite number of these wonderful days home with my kids.

Sink

That time again...

2010-08-23T23:41:00.001-04:00

#4 is heading off to college this week. Yup.

I'm okay...but doggone it, there is something wrong with the kleenex around here ... there is just never enough.

sink

Going Green

2010-07-16T03:03:00.001-04:00

Going green...and white...at our house:

While everyone else has hot summer, burnt out lawns, ours is lush and green.

No, we don't use chemicals, fertilizers, or automatic sprinklers.

We use clover.

Or rather, we let the clover grow.

While other men in the neighborhood struggle with "lawn envy" and work and slave to have the perfect blade lawn, we let it grow a little long, enjoy the clovers, and the bunnies that follow it.

I love our green lawn.

Come See Me...

2010-07-15T00:33:00.001-04:00

...and other Manic Mamas at Mad Manic Mamas.

Great laughs and poignant truths are shared.

I have a post there today.

The Joy of Socks

2010-07-12T01:45:00.001-04:00

I don't have much time to blog during the school year -- between teaching, helping with homework, tutoring, pretending to clean, grocery shopping, laundry....did I say laundry?

But I do occasionally post a status on facebook. Sigh...yes, somehow I have fallen prey to using electronic posts from my phone to attempt to stay in touch with friends around the country.

The following status report is somewhat routine. What I enjoyed most was the volley of comments from my friends:

Window into my life: kids are packing for camp, and 3 out of 4 of them say they don't have any socks. How can they "not have any socks while two BASKETS of unclaimed socks sit at the bottom of the stairs? These socks don't belong to anyone. I'm thinking that we must have somehow grabbed all the neighbor's socks.

They are in sock heaven.

Oh, that is my life!

That's hysterical!

There is a portal between all the dryers in the world. YOur kid's socks are probably in a laundry basket half way around the world in the house of another sockless teenager.

Well, there has been a population explosion of Sock Monkeys recently.

I have a box of mismatched socks in my closet. Maybe all the mates ran away to your house?!

I am running a homeless sock shelter, too!

This is exactly why I only buy the same color sock - so I don't ever again put on two different colored socks and believe no one will notice!

We should have a huge sock matching party and offer prizes to the kids for each pair they make.

And all the leftovers will be made into puppets!

(And from my 22 year old's live-in girl friend: That's where all of K's missing socks are! lol! I think the sock party followed by puppet arts and crafts sounds like a good plan.

And my response to this other woman in my son's life:Ahhh, Layla, you now know one of K's secrets!! He is the king of missing socks - both in the losing and the borrowing!

Life is so much easier knowing we all share a tidbit of the same chaos!

Empty Nester in Training

2010-07-11T17:16:00.003-04:00

I should have made a list of things to do for myself while the 4 Littles are away at summer camp for the next 5 days. I'm wandering around the house (that really needs to be cleaned, by the way) wondering what to do.

Wandering and wondering....

No, I don't want to clean.

Even Drain is gone tonight. It's just me and the biggest boy at home...

Maybe he wants to spend some time with me?

No, he's tied to his movies, computer, texting, phone calls, and leftover pizza.

I could take a walk.

Nah, I ran a 5K yesterday and my body is still recovering.

Maybe I could do some of the massive pile of laundry?

Good grief, can I only think of chores to do?

HOLY CATS, I've become one of those women who doesn't know what to do when she has free time?

Nah, not possible! I'm changing my clothes and going for a bike ride...

See you tomorrow when I have a list prepared of wanna dos and have-to-dos for this wonderful week with only one son at home.

Moving, Moving, Moving

2010-07-08T11:04:00.001-04:00

I wish I could find a way to write and move at the same time....

I think a lot while I'm running, but I never put it down afterward.

But I feel so much healthier, lighter, happier, when I am moving.

It is all about balance...

Sink

Food is Fuel

2010-06-30T09:18:00.002-04:00

And only Fuel.

It is not love. It is not comfort. It is not about making a party.

Food is Fuel.

And my purpose in life is to move, so I need fuel.

I feel so much healthier changing my thinking and now I am on summer vacation, where aside from the kids, the rest of my life is about moving.

Yahoooooo!

EJ and Boys

2010-05-31T22:04:00.002-04:00

I love having kids alone in the car too and from events -- no distractions.

EJ is a freshman in high school, and is refreshingly innocent in many ways. Today she had two parades to march. In the car on the way to one of them she curled her feet up on the seat, peeled a big grin and said:

I think I would like to have a boyfriend.

Me: You would? Um, you mean you would like to kiss a boy?

EJ: Grin turned to grimace...Ew, no, Mom, that would be gross.

I think we are safe for a little while longer....

Sink

Needed: Endless Supplies

2010-05-24T20:09:00.003-04:00

A house full of teenagers...and these are the items that we run out of on a regular basis:

bandaids - for our son, Crash

Socks - yup, just like everyone else with a washing machine and dryer.

Feminine products - we have 3, count them, 3 teenage girls at home. And yes, all their moons do align at once.

Milk - our rule is that if we drive within a mile of a store that sells milk, stop and buy it

Hair elastics - I'm not sure what they do with them but I'm expecting to find some huge Rube Goldberg elastic invention somewhere in the house after they all move out.

Food - Do I even need to mention this? Isn't it obvious?

Toilet paper - Oh my. I keep a private stash for myself.

Patience - sometimes...it's true.

Time - I run out of time on a regular basis -- which explains my lack of dedication to this blog.

Uh, money - but this is not the most important thing. Thank goodness.

Because we do have an abundance of the commodities that are most important.

Sink

Understanding the Brain

2010-02-26T09:10:00.000-05:00

...of teenagers.

There are truly moments when I think that I am living with crazy people.

Well, surprise, surprise - I am.

I heard a report on recent research on a radio program something that I should have already known:

The frontal cortex of the brain is not completely developed until a person is in her mid-twenties.

Ahhh, what an affirmation!

It seems that some very smart scientists have determined through their form of research that teenagers have not fully developed the part of the brain which:

Manages executive functioning and cognitive processing. Keeping organized in thought and in stuff is just plain difficult for them. This explains the number of posts about messy rooms.

Interprets emotions in facial expression! Ah, ha! They can’t tell when I am really disappointed? I DO need to actually say these things out loud.

Manages impulse control! Scientists need a NIMH study to figure this out? And we put these kids behind the wheels of cars?

Now, you may know a couple of theories of mine that has not yet been tested by a scientific study – perhaps I should apply for a grant for research that is also called my everyday life. The following could be considered to be corollaries:

Any teenager is smarter when he is in the household kitchen. All 5 of my current teenagers understand me completely when I am talking to them in the kitchen. Black and White is clear and non-negotiable. Their mother actually makes some sense to them. But as they move further and further out of the kitchen, down the street, off at school, or at a gathering of friends, you know as well as I do, their decision making skills are not quite as sharp.

A single teenager is smarter than a group of them. Yes. There actually seems to be more functioning grey matter in one teenager than there is in a whole group of them getting together. They seem less able to use what they do have in the frontal cortex; reasoning and decision making is more impulsive, less rational. Yup. Can anyone else corroborate these findings?

Being a little crazy helps kids to negotiate the unreal time of life they are experiencing. Don't you think so? Would you want to be 15 years old again?

Teenagers craziness is contagious to mid-lifers in their presence. Have you wondered why certain things came out of your mouth? Why you are acting the way you are? Have you felt a need to see an exorcist to get your own mother out of the words that are coming out of your mouth? I don't think it is completely our fault when we act a little "crazy". It's part of the tense, tizzy time with teens.

It makes perfect sense that they seem a little whack-nuts – they are. There brain is not finished growing.

So I am not the insane one…. At least on a good day.

Sink

Got Your Back...

2010-02-24T23:15:00.004-05:00

EJ: I have to wear a bathing suit under my clothes tomorrow.

Me: Oh, yeah? Why?

EJ: We're being checked for backliosis.

So You are Wondering....

2010-02-23T11:22:00.006-05:00

...what I have accomplished since I have been away?

Hummm, good question....

Projects are exciting; they fuel us - help us to feel accomplished. It's wonderful to say, "Look what I did!"

But life is about maintenence, isn't it? Keeping balance, moving along, taking every tiny step.

It's easy to think that the maintenence is boring or that it is not enough. I often feel pushed to do more, to be productive.

Doing laundry is maintenence, making dinner is maintenence, cleaning the bathroom is maintenence.

Making my kids pancakes on a snowy day is maintenence, too. Being able to give them a kiss good bye in the morning, helping them find their socks, checking to make sure the lunch they packed is healthy -- all maintenence. And part of the exciting project, too.

So what have I been doing since January 3rd and my last post: Glorious, wonderful, maintenence.

Oh, that and I finally gave up coffee.

I start my day with a maintaining cup of tea.

Life is Big.

Bringing the Holidays into Real Life

2010-01-03T03:36:00.000-05:00

...or is it the other way around?

At some point during every transition -- from time off of work and school and back -- I feel alternating anxiety and peacefulness. I love the time home with my kids and husband, the lack of pressure from preparation and paper work, and feeling like I have time to take care of myself. I want to be able to bring this vacation feeling back with me into the real world. And each time I get a little better at doing just that.

After summer vacation I brought my moving my body into the school/sports/dinner/homework schedule and it felt so good. I feel so much more peaceful about food knowing that I eat only so that I can move and it is moving that is my goal in life.

We had a joyous Christmas week with extended family. My brother and his wife have a very special way of life. Dad is stay-at-home and home schools and Mom works mostly from home. They have 4 amazing kids.

At one point my Sister in Law was talking about the upcoming transition as well...but she had a different take on it:

She said that what she is living now, while on vacation is real life and what she was transitioning back to was not normalcy.

Yes, vacation is normal. Our focus will be to fit school/work/athletics into our normal life instead of fitting life into the other external obligations.

It is a Wonderful Life.

Ode to Authorblog

2010-01-03T03:34:00.002-05:00

There once was a man on the net
Whom I'm not ready yet to forget
Quick witted with rhyme
I laughed every time,
He's now blogging off into the sunset...

He was here...now he's off writing a novel. Best to you, oh great Encourager.

Incideous Unwanted Guest

2010-01-02T17:42:00.000-05:00

And I have kicked him out.

We have busy house with lots of people and lots of space.

We have one TV, no cable, no Tivo (I actually don't even know what that it, exactly), and pretty ancient guidelines/rules about watching only on the weekend.

Over the last year or so, the TV has been making a more and more invasive presence in our home. Borrowing movies from the library has become an almost weekly expectation. Teenagers like all kinds of crazy television. Saturday morning Yu-gi-oh turning into Saturday afternoon bad 70s movies, turning into baseball games, and now football games. I haven't liked the refocusing, but I have let guidelines be bent.

Until this weekend....when a disrespectful unload from a teenage mouth that had just spent hours in front of the television led me to walk to the box, unplug it, and remove it from the living room. I didn't have to or plan to offer an explanation.

You might be wondering what television has to do with a disrespectful mouth. Well, it's all attachment. Television disconnects from relationships and when our kids are disconnected from the loving people around them, they forget how to behave. Sounds simple...and in many ways it really is simple.

The kids were facing a Sunday through Wednesday holiday from school and were distraught...it seems they have completely forgotten how to make themselves happy without the plug in box.

"What do you expect us to do while you are at work all day?"

"You mean, after you finish your chores?"

"Uh, um, yeah...?"

"It's not my job to entertain you, my dear. I am sure that you can figure it out."

When I returned home on Monday afternoon, the house was quiet. I couldn't hear a peep. Only the dogs greeted me at the door.

Good golly, they ran away to a house with cable!

Actually, I found them. Quietly doing a variety of creative activities in their rooms!

I love when it is so clear that we, as parents, do the difficult, but right thing!

Confession . . .

2009-12-31T17:21:00.003-05:00

I don't like getting ready for parties - especially New Year's Eve Parties.

Is there a name for this kind of anxiety?

Is there a fear of getting-dressed-up-and-still-not-looking-pretty-enough? Feminine enough?

I am much more comfortable in hiking boots and fleece...can I wear those to a neighborhood champagne party?

Sigh...off to find my mascara...

Sink

Parenting is Always from the Gut

2009-11-01T14:11:00.006-05:00

So much of parenting is balancing...attaching and letting go.

How do we know when to do which?

Trial and error, to be certain.

And a little bit of gut feeling...

gut wrenching feeling.

Or at times, a peaceful feeling.

We just know...

H1N 5 out of 7

2009-10-31T11:36:00.003-04:00

5 out of 7 of us were home sick this week with varying degrees of cough, hack, sneeze, wheeze, and other even more unpleasantries.

We have two with underlying conditions which cause higher concerns.

And tonight is Halloween.

Many long sad faces today...

I may let them go out as long as they dress as medical personnel -- complete with face masks and rubber gloves.

And what to do about reaching into bowls of treats that other hands have dipped into before?

And I barely have energy to type...

Where I have been...

2009-10-13T20:15:00.002-04:00

...I've been moving.

Moving and shaking...

Long story, but my priorities have changed: My purpose in life is to move and I have been moving every day.

This shift has been a godsend.

When I have a chance I'd love to write about finding my inner-athlete and realizing that I eat IN ORDER to move -- instead of the other way around.

Back to School?

2009-09-06T08:33:00.005-04:00

I have been enjoying a wonderful summer and now we are back to school. You know that time of year that retailers love. Back to school shopping. School supply lists in our area are conveniently available in the stores so that parents can be sure to buy all the necessary supplies.

To read a very funny -- in a sad way -- blog post about supply lists go here.

I have similar angst on the night of the first day of school. Yes, I do have a lot of kids, but even so, I sign A LOT of papers that night. I have 5 children of school age this year and I counted the papers that I had to sign: 41

41!!!

These are the follow up to the list of supplies is the letters and require our signatures of support.

Behavioral Expectations in the Classroom.

You know, the ones that have things like:

1. Cheating is not allowed.

Really, are you kidding me? There are some classrooms where cheating IS allowed? Why do we need to sign a paper stating that we understand this is not allowed? Of course it is punishable. Duh. Do teachers think that we don'tknow what appropriate behavior is?

2. Keep your desk area clean.

No kidding. I thought that it was okay for kids to leave trash everywhere.

3. Contact the teacher if you are concerned about performance in class.

Huh. by the end of the year, lady, you are going to be wishing that there was no way for me to get in touch with you.

4. Bring your notebook and writing utensils to class.

Uh, yeah, cuz everything works better when the kid leave that stuff at home.

I sign so many papers the first week it is unbelievable....and every time a parent has to sign a paper it take the responsibility away from the student and every time there is some innane statement like "Cheating is not allowed" it dumbs down the students intellectually and emotionally.

The only "rule" I have in my classroom is "be respectful and considerate". If a student is not sure he should do something, he needs to decide - and here is where the learning happens - ON HIS/HER OWN - is it respectful and considerate.

Our educational system is creating non thinkers.

Not that I have an opinion.

It's a Small World!

2009-07-23T20:35:00.009-04:00

Similar experiences with similar animals.

I'm talking about teenagers...

Fhina - A Woman of No Importance and I share the glorious experience of raising hormone-laden youth and thanks to this wonderful blogging community we commiserate and share the joy even though we live an ocean apart. Visit our posts and the work of other amazing mothers and fathers at Mad Manic Mamas. I love to read the wisdom and experiences that others have to share.

The wonderful Woman of No Importance has tagged me in this award/game with 7'simple' rules! Thanks, Fabulous Fhina!

I am in awe of the ease of connecting...I'd like to point you to a few of the wonderful reads:

1. Jeannie at Atlantic Beach Life is an almost real life friend (she knows what this means). She does an amazing job of sharing what her little neck of the globe, where ocean meets the shore, is like. She has a grand giveaway going on right now, so go check her out. Her life is like another world to me.

2. Jonna of She in China is truly a worldly and adventurous soul! She has been living and working in China but is temporarily visiting home in Sweden right now. Her experiences in China are a blast and remind me of my visits in China. Her youthful perspective is downright hopeful.

3. Another grand place and person to visit is Daryl who is out and about in New York City. I love the beach, the country, asia and the big city and Daryl captures corners of the big apple that I don't often get to see. I can almost hear the horns and smell the pretzels from her pages.

4. Arne, his art, and his travels are glorious! He reminds me to appreciate the finer things. Very grounding.

5. So do you want to really travel to these places with children and teenagers? Kids Go Global doesn't just read about it, they are doing it! Wonderful strategies for traveling, in real life!, with children.

So, as a truly good mother of many...you know that I will not be able to finish this post...I have two daughters popping in and asking "who are you writing to?", "why do you do that?", "You are weird", and a husband asking me where something is...so five international friends will have to do.

Here are the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Copy the image above, the rules and the questionnaire in this post.
3. Post this in one or all of your blogs.
4. Answer the four questions following these Rules.
5. Recruit at least seven (7) friends on your Blog Roll by sharing this with them.
6. Come back to BLoGGiSTa iNFo CoRNeR (PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE THIS LINK) at http://bloggistame.blogspot.com and leave the URL of your Post in order for you/your Blog to be added to the Master List.
7. Have Fun!

What's in my Cups

2009-07-12T04:59:00.001-04:00

So I'm trying to cut down on coffee...is it coincidental that I am drinking more wine?

There was a time in my life when I drank neither.

The year I turned 40 was the same year I finished my masters degree at night, adopted our fifth child...and started drinking coffee.

This year we have 5 teenagers in our house, I turned 47, and I started drinking wine.

Coincidence?

Perspective...

2009-07-11T20:49:00.006-04:00

Don't you love sharing family experiences? I look forward to specific activities I want to share with my kiddos.

Reading Charlotte's Web, then Chronicles of Narnia...our annual trip to the amusement park, hikes along the Appalachian trail and up specific mountain peaks...the memory making events that I want to share with my children.

It was brought to my attention recently that my littles had not yet enjoyed the silly fairy tale The Princess Bride.
No one each time I waved to them and said, "Have fun storming the castle!" they had no idea what I was talking about.
Or each time their older brothers laughed and said, "I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!" the littles shrugged it off without a smile.

Last night we were all cuddled around the movie borrowed from the library (we had to put our names on a waiting list -- so many must appreciate Billy Crystal's miracle) and XJ saw the puffy hair in the first scene and asked, "How old is this movie?"

We thought about it and said, "The Eighties". Seems like yesterday to me.

EJ paused.

"If it was made in the eighties, why is the movie in color then?"

Our All American

2009-07-04T21:08:00.004-04:00

CC got an award at school this year. He was acknowledged for having a better handle on American geography than his classmates. When he was asked how he knew the answer to a question like

Which Great Lake is contained entirely within the United States of America?

or

From where does the most fresh water in North America come?

he answered honestly: I study maps.

And he does.

He reads maps at night. He has maps hanging on his walls. His favorite book is a giant history map filled with maps.

Have I told you that my son who was born in China now has curly, curly hair just like mine? The ringlets pop out from under his baseball cap. I don't want to cut them off. Even he says that he "gets them from his mom" - a bit of genetic denial - a family joke.

CC has been here for almost 3 years now. He is still learning English but in many ways he is "all american". In many ways he is old all american.

He passes his time building things -- sling shots and bows and arrows are his specialities. He even made his own baseball bat once.

He also likes to fix things...things that this new american mom might otherwise throw away. He took his entire ceiling fan apart during his first week here when he didn't realize there was a remote control to turn it on. (He didn't know anything about circuit breakers when he did this -- we walked into his room to find him in the middle of a million well-organized parts.) CC found a wire to mend my kitchen grater handle when he saw that I tossed it in the trash. Just last week he fixed the inside of the toaster (unplugged it first) when he heard us complaining about english muffins getting caught inside.

Last night, July 3rd, he was pitching under the lights at a night game in his Sandy Koufax league. His curls peaked out from under his red baseball cap. He looked over to the bleachers to connect eyes with us after each strike out he threw. We heard the sound of fireworks, and I'm sure you can imagine the lump in my throat as husband and I saw the bright colors of the first fireworks in the background just over CC's shoulder.

We don't often pause to be patriotic, but we do pause to appreciate a moment in time. We are so grateful that this window-breaking-bat-making-curly-haired boy is ours.

Sink's House By the Numbers

2009-07-03T01:43:00.002-04:00

17
Towels recently found in XJ's bedroom.

8
Yes, the number of kids we have.
(Rarely do we actually say it aloud.)

3
Currently broken windows in the house.
(All like to play ball.)(Subject to change.)

16
Average number of loads of laundry per week.

47
Current number of unmatched socks hanging out in the sock basket.

9
Total number of orthodontic contracts.
(Two kids had 2 sets of braces.)

8
Gallons of milk - cow and soy - per week

4
Cups of coffee it takes me to get through the day.
(I know, I know, I'm supposed to be quitting the habit --- Is there a 12-step group for this addiction?)

28
Pairs of chopsticks in the kitchen drawer.
We have a lot of company.

12
Pounds of rice per month.

3
Dozen eggs a week

32 Years of college we'll contribute toward, not including our own, if they average 4 years per child.
(AHHHHHHHH!!!!)

gazillion
Number of times I would do this all over again.

Two Thongs Up?

2009-07-02T00:03:00.004-04:00

Two conversations in one night - first at the dinner table, EJ is not there:

TT is in her bathing suit (way too small bikini from last year with sweats on top, zippered sweat shirt) and shows a little too much skin.

Me: T, it might be time for a new bathing suit, that one is getting too
small.

CC: TT is getting smaller and I am getting bigger. Pretty soon I will be
bigger than she is.

TT: It's not getting smaller, I'm getting bigger. At least it's not a thumb.

XJ giggles uncontrollably. Husband and I are completely puzzled. XJ can't even get the word out, but finally she says:

THONG, TT, THONG, not thumb!

Husband stands up and puts a thumb where a thong would be. Not pretty.

2nd Conversation, different location...different kids...

EJ went to color guard practice tonight. (Don't forget, she was not home for dinner. She did not hear TT's conversation.) She is trying out for the team in the fall. She is also trying out for volleyball.

Husband and I picked her up from practice and were driving her home.

Me: The volleyball coach emailed to invite you to the volleyball team car wash
next week.

EJ: What will we do?

G: You'll wash cars to raise money for the team.

EJ: Do we have to wear bikinis?

G: Huh, where did that come from?

EJ: Don't girls who wash cars for money have to wear bikinis?

Me: No. I have never seen anyone wash a car in a bikini. Have you, honey?

G: Uh, uh, uh...no.

Me: And I have never seen anyone wearing a THUMB.

EJ: That would be very inappropriate.

Our children have no problem communicating with eachother.

What's So Scary?

2009-07-01T09:49:00.007-04:00

Why so afraid? Really?

You've seen this before...it's really just more of the same...

Remember the first temper tantrum?

The first time my son told me, "No, Mommy," was on his second birthday -- on the actually day. I remember it well. I actually laughed out loud at the thought that the year known as the "Terrible Twos" was beginning with his saying, "No, Mommy."

Remember when he would toddle off giggling, running just out of reach, checking out his new legs -- but always turning back to see if you were still there. Truly, he's just stretching the boundaries. Pulling a bit on the elastic to see what happens, trying out the independence. There has to be a little pull. We have to give a little...

Yup, teenage years are not all that different.

Just add in the hormones...

...the opposite sex...

...the car keys...

...the size of the kid...

...the words they learn at school instead of from the picture books...

...the awareness that it truly will not last forever.

It won't be long before they are out on their own.

Some days we want it to come sooner than others.

And now there is a place for us - Parents of Teens.

Feel Free not to Say Anything

2009-06-30T06:28:00.002-04:00

A repost of Special Tactics...

Transitions to new relationships with our children.

I know how to parent little kids. I know how to parent preteens, teens, and even kids who are little kids while in their teens. Our job is to form and be a foundation on which they build the rest of their lives. We help them to make memories. We hope to give them experiences and skills to make good decisions and become good and happy people.

At some point we have to decide to let them be themselves. Completely.

So as we transition to young adulthood our roles have to change.

When I am with my oldest children it is so easy to slip into the guiding mother role, even when I am not asked for guidance. Big no no.

Colin and I went on a college visit today. There was wonderful one-on-one time, conversation, excitement about the next step. Then we drove to visit Kyle at his college and take him out to lunch.

As soon as Kyle got in the car there were two of them and one of me. The conversation shifted. They are tight brothers having a bond of which I am proud. They will never be alone. They speak their own language, laugh at jokes I don't understand. When I try to chime in I can tell the laugh is more at me than with me. Not in a bad way -- just in a way that I can't completely relate. I am quiet again. Until...

Kyle says something that needs to be parented a bit. I don't remember exactly what -- it might have been about a party he went to, staying up too late, not eating well - something along those lines. When I speak the mother words, ouch, my hand is slapped. I can't do that anymore...thanks for the reminder. He needs to be his own person. I need to parent him on his own terms. For the most part.

I am quiet again.

And reflective.

I have a great relationship with the boys, very open, very trusting, very honest. I am grateful.

So, I open up about this change in our relationship.

"I'm starting to get this parenting of young adults stuff," I say. "I can't really be a peer with you in conversation. That gives you guys the willies."

"Uh, yeah, mom."

"I can't give you unsolicited guidance anymore. I need to parent you only as much as you want to be parented."

"Uhhhh, yeah mom."

"Humm," I say.

"Feel free to be quiet, Mom," says the future comedy writer in the most respectful way.

And the three of us burst into laughter.

I feel very loved. In a different way.

And I am quiet the rest of the way home, listening to the joyous conversation of two brothers who no longer see eachother enough. And they pull me into the conversation when it is most appropriate in this period of transition. I will enjoy this time while we have it.

Belated Father's Day

2009-06-29T00:00:00.001-04:00

I had technical difficulties around Father's Day. Here is the post that I wanted to share:

My father is a life-long learner and a teacher. I say "is" even though he is retired to life at the beach. He is always teaching. His place at the end of the table is his podium. I am the oldest of seven and he had his own class, his own baseball, football and basketball teams. During my childhood, when he was home for dinner, we would often spend hours playing thinking games (gully, gully) and learning.

Dad is a life-long athlete and a coach. He coached high school basketball, baseball, track. He taught me how to do a left-handed lay up when the other girls were struggling to do it right handed. He taught us how to play pickle, and we played for hours in our backyard.

There are many different ways to learn from our parents – direct instruction, consequences, modeling of behavior. These are just a few of the tidbits of wisdom that I have learned from my dad. So many of these little learnings offer more global guidance as I rethink them from my perspective as a mother, a teacher, and a coach:

1. When you throw with your right hand, step with your left, so that balance is maintaned.

2. Plant your pivot foot firmly, and keep your elbows out. (If this isn’t an analogy for real life, I don’t know what is.)

3. Peanuts taste really good with beer.

4. Don’t carry a pickle jar by the lid.

5. Shakespeare is a really funny guy who wrote some pretty racy stuff.

6. Hard work is good for the soul, and when it is finished off with a cold drink, it is even better.

7. The dinner table is a place to learn

8. And the more the merrier.

9. Take chances – LIVE BIG. (It may not have bought a 100 acre camp in NH, but I have learned to live big in my own way.)

10. A good story always ends with a laugh...

11. And might have a bit of the blarney in it to make it a better story.

And, the most important lesson I have learned:

12. Live life in a way that is congruent with what you truly believe:
1) God comes first.
2) Connecting with family and others is living God’s will.

Maintaining the Cup

2009-06-28T00:00:00.003-04:00

Science can be awesome. Sometimes good research reminds us of what we really know already.

G is away for the weekend and I have a very hard time going to bed when he is not here. The last baseball game is over (CC pitched the last inning and did a great job!), the movie is finished, and all the kids are snoozing. Four canines are curled up on carpets and the house is so enjoyably quiet, I'm not ready to put it to rest.

Late night reading and a little ADD moves me to read this little article about a long term study that "proves" what we need in order to be happy in the long haul.

Hummm,

1. "A healthy outlet"I might need to work on this a bit. Being creative is on my "to do" list for the summer. I know that I need to find this outlet in order to find balance. Another reminder.
2. "Don't take yourself too seriously."I am very grateful to have a job that allows me to laugh every day. No, I don't laugh at the grades on my students' papers...really, I don't. I laugh with the kids.

3. Happiness must be shared. Of course. This is why we have eight children. Whole lot of sharing...

Life is good...

Six Word Saturday

2009-06-27T12:56:00.008-04:00

Parenting is Attaching,
then
letting
goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

This is all I can manage to get out for my new 21 year old...

Haiku Friday

2009-06-26T10:59:00.009-04:00

Summer Relaxing
Time to refind the woman
Connect with balance.

First Day of Summer

2009-06-26T10:43:00.003-04:00

is today! I'm home! I have to work a couple more days next week, but for
today, it is sunny and I am home!!!

So far today:

1. SMMO woke me up instead of the alarm and he told me he loves me. (I never hear him talk in the morning on a work day - I'm out the door before he wakes up.)

2. 2-3 mile walk with my trainer (EJ) and 3 dogs. (Also known as resistance training.)

3. Coffee - I know, I know, I'm supposed to be giving it up...I'll think about that tomorrow.

4. Internet time -- checking in with friends, including emails from 2 former students who struggled in school and are doing well now and saying thank you!

5. Time to catch up with all of you!! Wonderful! (What is GG's secret? Who knows?!?)

6. A real breakfast - egg and spinach, yummy!

Next:
7. Shower that doesn't have to be followed with makeup, dress up, rush out the door!

8. Laundry, and hanging it on the line if the sun stays out!

9. Alone time with CP - hair cut, job search, summer clothes shopping (He wants to go to Good Will, love that boy)

I am so happy!!!

sink

New Summer Resolutions

2009-06-20T13:37:00.003-04:00

Many people have New Year's Resolutions.

Many teachers have New Summer Resolutions.

To celebrate my last day with students I have drafted my Resolutions for the summer:

1. By the end of July I will give up coffee. (Wish me luck.)

2. I will take a walk every day.

3. Read from a real book rather than just the computer every day.

4. Write every day.

5. Read with the kids in the hammock.

6. Contact my parents more faithfully.

7. Have more alone time with and appreciate my husband more.

8. Clean out my bedroom closet.

9. Sort out my book shelf.

10. Deep clean the house. (You get the picture of 10 months of domestic neglect.)

11. Prepare for my new teaching class for the fall.

12. See more friends.

13. Play more ball with the kids.

14. Hang laundry on the line.

15. Join the grass fed beef CSA.

16. Find an organic chicken farm.

17. Paint more (besides walls).

18. Paint some walls.

19. Do a better job weeding the gardens.

20. Eat more healthily. (Notice that I have given up on the "lose weight" resolution. I have come to accept that I have no control over my weight; I only have control over my behavior.)

21. Get eight hours of sleep every night.

School starts the week before Labor Day. I am hopeful!

EJ is Aware of her Limitations

2009-06-14T14:38:00.003-04:00

"Mom, Can you fix these goggles? They're broken, but not really. You can fix them."

"I'll try."

"It's really hard. I know it hurts." (Little thing has to be pushed into small hole and clicked and yes it hurts pushing it in, but I'm determined.)

"Done."

"You did it? Really? You are the best mom ever. Now I can go swimming. Without complaining. (pause) Well, I'll complain about something else, but I won't complain about no goggles."

Flip Flop Euphoria

2009-06-06T15:21:00.010-04:00

I'm getting ready...

My summer uniform was ordered a couple of weeks ago and the most important parts are arriving daily.

From head:

To toes:

Flip Flops make me happy. Everything is good if I have softly cushioned feet. They even seem to say aloud: Be hap(py), be hap(py).

I guess I have to buy a bathing suit, but I really don't want to spoil the mood.

Through EJ's Eyes

2009-06-05T22:52:00.006-04:00

EJ is turning 15 tomorrow and she is a 4'8" tall ball of fire.

She is solid muscle, a cross country and track runner, and spikes a mean volleyball.

She is also all done growing.

Our little ball of fire is the hardest working student I have ever experienced in school or at home. She cannot read but she "reads" for hours by listening to books on tape and running her eyes over the pages. She reads on a first grade level after living in this country for 6 years.

She will not give up, and neither will we.

EJ keeps her room immaculate. All is ordered in her space. She has control over anything that she can control, because so much has happened to her that she cannot control.

When EJ first came to us at 9 she could not be alone. Literally. I could not go into a different room without terrifying her. Through years of work using a long rope as an umbilical cord and singing to her any time she went around a corner, she has slowly become less afraid.

So this year when she traveled with the student government to Washington DC without her father or myself, she triumphed.

EJ had a wonderful time with friends and teachers and was away from us for the longest time she has ever been away. She survived.

EJ brought me back a treasured gift from the Smithsonian Museum of American History. A refridgerator magnet that has found a permanent home where I can see it regularly:

Yes, my dear birthday girl, We Can Do It!

Dreaming of the Beach...

2009-06-02T23:14:00.004-04:00

but I'm in the middle of the end of the school year.

So, what do I do to get away? To relax a little? To live vicariously?

My dear friend has a beautiful, thoughtful place where she shares images of the wonderful place where she lives.

Check her out at Atlantic Beachlife.

Okay, back to grading papers...See you all after exams.

Got Your Back...

2009-06-01T22:05:00.003-04:00

EJ: I have to wear a bathing suit under my clothes tomorrow.

Me: Oh, yeah? Why?

EJ: We're being checked for backliosis.

It's Like Trying to Get Your Virginity Back

2009-05-23T22:38:00.002-04:00

We broke two cell phones in one week. (Another story.)

Since they were both four years old, some would say it was about time.

So, we figured that we must be due for a "free upgrade" and we head over to the **&* store.

Uh, there is only one free phone available and our new best friend and sales person, Eric, admits it is "dainty" and not a purchase he would recommend, but he does have some other simple phones availiable. We look at the "dainty" phone and agree that it wouldn't last a day.

"Here's a very popular phone. It's a $200 phone but with your upgrade it's only $10 after $50 rebate."

We don't use internet, texting, or blue tooth. We only need a phone for emergencies. Is there any phone that doesn't involve worrying about submitting the paperwork perfectly in order to get the price being advertised?

"We will take care of the paper work for you. Just mail it in and you will get the money."

Deep sigh...okay.

As the phones are being rung up, Eric tells us of the $18, each, upgrading fee.

Huh, you are charging me $36 to sign a contract saying I will pay you monthly for two phones for the next two years? And I am paying for the "free upgrade" to which I am entitled?

"I've highlighted the areas on the rebate forms that you need to fill out, and numbered the forms 1 and 2 for each phone. So simply cut out the codes on the sides of the boxes and be sure to put them with the right form because you need to send them in separate envelopes."

Huh?

"And in 6 to 10 weeks you will get your Visa cards in the mail with the rebates on them for you to spend whereever you would like."

"You mean, I'm not getting real money back that I can put in the bank?"

Do I have a choice? Can I go back to life without cell phones? Since when are cell phones a necessity? Why do I have to spend money in order to spend more money, so that I can get more money in the mail and spend even more money?

You can't go backwards: Can't return to a simpler time without cell phones and without sex. Well, I would really miss one of those things -- the other I could live without.

I Look Forward to Saturdays...

2009-05-10T17:44:00.004-04:00

6:30 - Lazy start...I didn't wake up until 6:30.

8:00 - Breakfast alone with husband.

9:30 - tutoring at the library

Bank, post office, run into Hair Salon to schedule much needed haircut for TT.

Run home to pick up girls and get to recital of KP's new girlfriend. We have just enough time to make it to the college an hour away.

Hop into house...and scoot back out to find that I left my keys in the car and, yup, it's locked. The car is in the driveway and I locked it.

Phone call to SMMO at CC's baseball game. "Umm, where is the spare van key?"

"I think it's in the glove box."

"Of the van?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, I need it."

"Do you need me to come home with my key?"

"Uh, yeah, would you mind? Sorry."

So, since we have to wait a half hour, I head back inside to do some weekend chores. XJ comes to visit me.

"Uh, Mom, how could I get a stick out of a lock?"

"Honey, you don't put a stick into a lock. Only keys go in locks."

"I was trying to open the van door with a stick and it broke off in the lock."

Audible, sigh, I am sure...as much as I do not want to get angry with her for trying.

And, the phone rings:

"Mom! You haven't left yet?!? You're going to be late for Layla's concert!"

Deep breath...I hate letting down my kids...and disappointing a son who is trying to impress a new girl friend...not going to win any mother of the year awards.

"I'll do the best I can."

Well, after a fair amount of poking, pulling, crunching, (By the way, did you know that Honda Odysseys have exactly one key opening in the whole van? The driver side door is the ONLY one. The designer did not plan for helpful children who put sticks in locks.) and even a wee bit of cursing, if only in my head, we got the key into the lock and open the doors -- to find the spare key in the glove box.

We sat in the chairs at the recital about 15 seconds before Layla sang.

And this was all in the first half of the day.

Ahhh, relaxing weekend...I always look forward to the break from hecticness of the work week.

Ordered to Stay in Bed

2009-05-10T10:26:00.003-04:00

...and not by my husband.

It's Mother's Day morning and 3 kids have already tapped lightly (not really) upon my door to tell me (giggle, giggle) to stay in bed.

The SMMO is visiting his mother this weekend so the kids are left, appropriately, to their own rendition of honoring mother.

I hear clean dishes being put away, eggs being cracked, coffee gurgling (can't wait), and smell...something...good....

footsteps ...

Why I Don't Yell at Teenagers

2009-05-09T12:08:00.002-04:00

What I want my teenagers to learn as they reach the going-out-at-night-with-friends age:

1. Be respectful and considerate of people who worry about you.

Right now it is your parents who worry, but it won't always be parents. It might be college roommates, or eventually a partner or a spouse. There will always be someone worrying about you. Think about their worries. Practice and learn how to be considerate now.

2. Stop, and think for yourself.

Ah, just because friend 1 and friend 2 (not all that different from Thing 1 and Thing 2)say, "Let's drive to the movie theatre that is 35 miles away along a interstate highway because the seats are more comfortable" doesn't mean that you need to agree that it is a good idea. Stop, and think -- Is this really a good idea? What time will I get home? Will my mom be worried about me? (See #1.)

3. Be responsible.

Making safe choices is something we all need to learn. Right now the decision is, "Should I get in the car with 4 other boys for a long, fast ride in the dark with a boy who has only had his license for 6 months?" You may have to think about other safety issues in the not-so-distant future: Should I get into the car with a driver who has been drinking? Should I drive after I have 3 drinks? Eventually responsible decisions affect people who depend upon you....people who share your worries.

All in all, the whole idea about this parenting thing through your teenage years is:

How can I, as your mother, help you to learn how to be a respectful, considerate, responsible and happy adult.

That's all it is. I'm just trying to teach you.

And you, hopefully, are a good student.

It's Everywhere #3

2009-05-05T23:48:00.006-04:00

More wonderful mathematical art by students in my Geometry classes.
Circles by Sam:

By Caitlin:

By Samantha:

Love, Love Me Do

2009-05-05T23:21:00.006-04:00

I've done something really, really bad.

I have never done this before...

A holiday is coming.

A little - appreciate me - holiday.

I have never really felt that I need to be appreciated with gifts.

But I have done a horrible thing:

I told not one, but two (well, maybe three, if I am really honest) of my children what I want Dad to get me for Mother's Day.

I have never done this before.

So, honey, did you get the message from KP, CP or EJ?

That's okay if you didn't -- 'cuz I don't mind ordering it for myself.

Hint, hint:

It's Everywhere #2

2009-05-03T11:37:00.005-04:00

By now you all know that I am not a photographer. As much as I would love to decorate the cup with beautiful illustrations of my thoughts, I am just not gifted as so many of you are.

So, I am going to take a little side trip to an assignment I gave to my geometry students. We have learned that geometry means "earth measure" and that the study of geometry is a study of patterns found in real life. Inductive reasoning is used to construct conjectures about relationships found in the real world. I gave the students a topic of geometry and asked them to photograph observations from the real world.

Here is some of their work.

From Onna:

By Naomi:

From Maggie:

More to come....

Becoming a Son

2009-05-02T20:41:00.003-04:00

Skinned knee. That's all it was.

But it meant so much more.

"Can someone come help me," he said as he pulled himself up onto the kitchen counter. Because of the bright overhead light in the kitchen this has become our medical table.

CC held his leg out. There was new blood amidst the collage of scars long ago healed. Not a bad cut, just a little scrape. But this moment was significant.

He had asked for help.

Two years ago he would not have sat on the counter, let me open the bandaid or put it on. He would have insisted that no matter how deep the cut, it did not hurt. For a young man who spent his earliest years fending for himself and his most recent two years trying to prove to himself and to his new parents that he doesn't need anything from any body, this asking for help is significant.

He is letting us be his parents.

We tended to the monumental task as normally as possible. I hugged my 13-year old boy and kissed his forehead as he cringed from the cleaning of the wound and winced with the sting of the antiseptic ointment. I held myself together, until he hopped down to resume his playing.

Then I allowed myself a moment of gratitude.

He is our boy.

The Dirt on Sex Ed in our House

2009-05-02T16:50:00.003-04:00

Without philosophizing:

1. When our oldest was asking us questions about sex at the dining room table, my husband thought he had the answer. He said to M, "Just think NIKE."

M~Really, Dad?

H~Yes, really, all you have to do is think about the NIKE slogan.

Me~Just Do It?

Laughter all around, except me....not laughing at the thought of my oldest child at age 15 hearing my husband telling him to 'just do it'.

Husband is clearly fuddled....~Uh, ummm, I thought their slogan was "Just Say No"?

Me~I think that was Nancy Reagan, ol' man.

All Kinds of Blossoming in the Spring

2009-04-30T20:10:00.006-04:00

Woman in a Window has me thinking.

She posted. She asked. She has young kids and is starting to look at the next stage. My kids are older. So here's just some of what I have learned from my kids (so far) about Sex:

1. One of the most important things I can tell my kids about sex is that it feels good. When they first start having sexual feelings (and activities), it will feel good. And if the first feelings that have are in line with what I told them, they will know I tell the truth. They will believe everything else I say.
Sounds weird, but it makes us giggle -- and we're being honest. And once you tell them it feels good -- talking about anything else related is easy. Really. Try it with your kids.

2. The most important variable in determining whether or not kids make responsible decisions about sex, as well as illegal drug and alcohol use, is the degree of connectedness they have to parents and family. So, all those fun times around the dinner table payoff 100 fold. We're not only creating good memories, we are creating foundations for choices later on.

3. When I found the first stash of condoms in my son's room, I left them there. (I was cleaning for company.) Later on, when I moved them because my mother was coming to visit, I told him where I moved them. He responded by telling me I was the coolest mom ever. Uh, duh.

4. I want my kids, especially my girls, not to be ashamed of their sexuality. There is so much I want them to feel about being comfortable in their skin and with their bodies. Fine line between modesty and shame, between flaunting and flattering what we have. But it can be done. And it can give girls a self-awareness and respect that facilitates good decision making.

5. All kinds of biology is great dinner table talk. Really. Opening up conversation early allows for good questions later.

6. Our kids see my husband and I kiss, and hug, and flirt. With each other... Of course this is the best part.

Vegan in the Making?

2009-04-25T10:19:00.004-04:00

During the summer we have a share in the organic farm around the corner. The kids see and live the connection between earth and our sustenance.

In the dead of winter, not so much. I had a reminder that I need to work on making the connection for the kids a little more clear.

CC's comment while eating crock pot pork loin this week:

"Ewwwww, this meat is horrible; it tastes like dead animal."

Hitting Errors

2009-04-24T22:59:00.003-04:00

I'm a bit tired at the end of this long first week back from a vacation. Draggin' a bit on this Friday...I decide to take a 10 minute break between trips transporting teens...I have the nerve to sit down.

CC is out back, and I know he is playing ball, but I'm too tired to get up an supervise. I hear the smash as the ball hits the back of the house the first time. I'm thinking that he has learned his lesson after the last broken window, he'll move and hit the ball a different way...

Bash!!That sounds weird, it sounds like metal...

I hear the creak of the basement hatch....slowly closing...huh?

A little while later I hear another huge smashing noise.

I go to the back door. CC is far in the back yard

-CC, what was that big noise?

-Oh (looking at his feet), I hit the door (pointing to the basement door)

Suddenly it dawns on me:

-CC, did you open the hatchway door and try to aim to hit the ball into the basement?

-No...I mean, yes....

Today I am reminded:

1. Don't ask a kid a question if I know the answer already...I don't want to set the poor kid up to lie to protect himself. CC didn't lie this time, but he could have.

2. It just might be impossible to teach CC to hit the baseball away from the house.

3. Start saving for new siding now. He'll go off to college in 8 years, and we may not have enough money to pay for school, but we should have enough to reside the back of the house.

And we're probably going to need to.

I couldn't take the ball and bat away. There's something about a boy and his baseball.

Confession, Penance and Absolution

2009-04-23T15:28:00.005-04:00

I confess.

I check my blog during breaks at work.

Well, not anymore.

When I tried to check my blog this afternoon, the school's filter wouldn't let me see it.

A Bigger Cup was tagged as pornography.

Good golly. My immediate thought was that the title was inappropriate, so I decided to change the title...

in changing the title I lost all my followers.

I'm a fallen blogger.

Overheard...

2009-04-21T14:18:00.004-04:00

...between two girls in the hallway of the school where I work.

-Who is your partner for the history project?

-I'm with Hailey and Kim. We're a thr**some.

-Ah, don't say that outloud. That's kinda gross.

-We're in high school. We're all gross.

I teach because I can't think of another job that I could have and laugh all day.

What Makes a Beauty Queen?

2009-04-20T17:31:00.003-04:00

While I was doing school work last night I overheard my girls watching the pageant last night. I sighed a deep sigh at the thought of a resurgence in such judgement of women. All the work to create Strong and Beautiful Women and a place for them in this world. I was lamenting the concern I have that so many teenage girls are preoccupied with their looks. (This is different from comfortable with their sexuality; I want my girls to appreciate their sexuality and demand respect in this regard.)

So, anywhoo, I was worried about my girls. For a moment. Then I heard TT yell, really angry yell at the tv. And XJ and EJ chimed in. They came in to tell me how *** Miss California is:

They wanted to give Miss California"whatfor".

Well, and they did, right through our little television screen.

I love my Strong and Beautiful Women.

Why "Sink"?

2009-04-19T23:38:00.002-04:00

Let me set it up for you: Two and a half week trip to China, big suitcase, all in one suitcase...arrival in Hong Kong...waiting...waiting...no luggage arrives.

One outfit on each body, one spare outfit in each carry on, two and a half weeks in China where all the clothes sold are very small.

Where do you think we washed our clothes?

My dear nc friends gave me this treasured nickname and it has stuck. Some have forgotten my real name.

Guangzhou, Guangdong, 2006 and the well-washed outfits.

NYC Dumplings

2009-04-19T17:15:00.005-04:00

A different way to get dumplings.

Joyous Jiao Zi

2009-04-19T09:53:00.011-04:00

A teacher from China has come to the high school where I teach to visit for a couple of weeks. We invited her to dinner with our family one night. I asked her what she like to eat, and she said she wanted a typical american meal.

I had to work on it a little bit because we don't eat typical american meals.

There is always noodles or rice, chopsticks and forks, kids who prefer vegetables over meat and really don't like hamburgers and hot dogs.

I decided to make an "american" dish that my children really enjoy: corned beef and cabbage.

EJ is our social butterfly and led "Peggy" into a number of conversations. One thing led to another, and when I wasn't looking, Peggy asked me if we had flour and some meat.

She was going to teach us how to make dumplings.

First they made the dough - no measuring, just until it looks right:

Then she chopped a steak and EJ and XJ took turns chopping bok choy. Peggy added salt to the bok choy to make it easier to chop. All the water was drained away.
Finally the art of the project: rolling the dough into a log, cutting into little pieces, rollng each little piece into a circle. It was amazing how fast Peggy could do this. Then into each circle was placed a small amount of the meat and veggie mixture (sesame oil, garlic and ginger were also mixed in) and the turning and pinching.Good golly, I didn't take any pictures of the finished dumplings! They were boiled in water for 5 minutes or so. The kids were so proud of their work and grateful to their new teacher and friend.
After our wonderful meal of corned beef cabbage and dumplings we drove Peggy home to the place she was staying. Our conversation was more adult-like than our boisterous dinner table. At one point I asked Peggy about her general experience during her visit to the United States - were there any things that really surprised her. "Up until this point, I would say it was the food, the salads and things like that. Now I think the most surprising thing is your family - so many children! I didn't know that American families could have so many children!"

There is so much to record about Peggy's visit and interactions with the kids. I'd like to find the time to write more.

Not without Fear...

2009-04-18T21:52:00.003-04:00

"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." Audre Lorde.

Leaping without fear. Jumping without looking. Plunging only for the joy.

My husband and I love children, love having children, love being part of the blossoming.

We were afraid to bring home older children, but it didn't matter that we were afraid.

Is there anything that we can do to help others take the plunge?

Refrigerator Wisdom

2009-04-18T18:54:00.003-04:00

A dear friend sent a hostess gift after our little gathering -- she noticed that we had phonetic word fragments on our fridge that are constantly moved to make new messages. She sent us a supplementary set appropriate for our family: chinese characters that can be arranged into sentences.

I started off the creation: Wo men de jia hen kuai le. (Our family is happy.)

TT quickly came along and changed it: Wo men de jia hen e. (Our family is hungry.)

I've Been Blogged

2009-04-06T10:55:00.001-04:00

My first negative blogging experience.

As some of you may have seen before deletion, someone left an obnoxious comment. Not unkind -- obnoxious.

What kind of people get thrills by this?

Weird-O.

I started out moderating comments, then changed settings so that moderation was not necessary. I have now changed it back.

But of more concern - Weird-Os really are reading about my family.

I think I may become only a blog reader...

A little sad...

Waiting for Me to Feel It

2009-04-01T11:24:00.004-04:00

aren't you?

Waiting for me to feel the stress of a large gathering.

I'm cleaning and singing and dancing.

Others prep for a party by polishing their nails and pumicing their heels. I am polishing the mirrors and pumicing the toilets. (Try it; it works.) I'm singing and dancing to Marc Cohn. All my friends are primping themselves - really, they send emails telling us all so -- I'll be the one with roots and rough edges.

Then, I realize that my best cleaner is on a field trip to Washington DC until Friday night! Who will do the once-overs in the bathroom and get the dust bunnies I miss?

I miss EJ.

Really this is the longest we've been apart since she was born to me.

Good thing I have this party to keep my brain busy.

Just When I am Wondering...

2009-03-31T22:11:00.003-04:00

...why it is that our house is so noisy, it occurs to me that tomorrow is a monumental day.

Although I have rounded ages in my recently written profile, tomorrow is April 1st. CC, our youngest, actually becomes 13 tomorrow.

I have been parenting for 20 and a half years. And tomorrow, I will have no more little ones.

Certainly, I have moved far beyonds diapers and toddler toys and in fact, I only had 2 toddlers in my care in all of these years and children. But tomorrow, I move beyond all measures of young children (except perhaps the Slightly More Mature One when he is feeling silly) and will have 5 teenagers in the house.

I can sum this whole thing up in a nutshell: Little kids are physically exhausting. Teenagers are emotionally exhausting -- for good reasons, too.

I love the transition to teenager and then to young adult. I love seeing the young adults they are becoming emerge a little more each day. I do have to accept my place, however.

As 6 kids, a girl friend (Shout out to Layla!), and two parents took a long walk through the neighborhood last weekend -- causing more than a few heads to turn and comments to be made by passers by -- husband and I were very aware of our new roles. We were observers. The kids were content to relate to and share with each other.

We soaked up the joy in watching content siblings.

Teenage siblings.

Phew, it's noisy around here.

Life is so good.

Ways to Teach Children Delayed Gratification

2009-03-30T18:25:00.006-04:00

Teacher talk often seems to meander around to students seeming to lack the tenacity to complete difficult or long problems. Perhaps it is a different kind of attention span that is the root of the unwillingness to work hard to find an answer or solve a problem. I tend to think that it could be a lack of experience and practice in delayed gratification.

As part of my "Listmakers Guide to Parenting" writing I have been attempting to accumulate a list of ways to exercise children in the Art of Delayed Gratification.

1. Plant a vegetable garden from seeds.

2. Plant bulbs -- in the fall for spring.

3. Plan a vacation ahead of time as a family.

4. And save money for the vacation a little each week.

5. Make a paper mache project.

6. Make bread from scratch -- and a bread machine doesn't count.

7. Make refridgerator cookies - the kind that the dough has to be chilled before it can be baked.

8. Complete an art project that takes a lot of steps – like painting, with drying between the layers.

9. Plan a redecoration of his/her room, with one change being made a month.

10. Read a long story, with a chapter each night.

11. Oh, and for me? Plan a gathering of 40+ people, and try to fit a little bit of all that needs to be done into every day so that everything is done by Friday night.

Other thoughts?

Why "Sink"?

2009-03-27T18:27:00.012-04:00

Wondering why my nickname is "Sink"?

Truly. People actually call me this. I'm thinking about getting it on my license plate.

Notice that it is Sink, and not the trendier "sync".

Let me set it up for you: Two and a half week trip to China, big suitcase, all in one suitcase...arrival in Hong Kong...waiting...waiting...no luggage arrives.

One outfit on each body, one spare outfit in each carry on, two and a half weeks in China where all the clothes sold are very small.

Where do you think we washed our clothes?

My dear friends gave me this treasured nickname and it has stuck. Some have forgotten my real name.

Guangzhou, Guangdong, 2006 and the well-washed outfits.

Sink's Party Rules

2009-03-25T21:40:00.003-04:00

So, last week the girls had company for which they cleaned and primped the house.

In two weekends a few friends, approximately 47, are coming for a weekend.

That's right. 47 for a weekend. The first flights are coming in Friday night and the last friend is leaving Monday midday. Friends are coming from AZ, CO, Canada, LA, Chicago, NJ, Massachusetts....holy cats.

And you all thought I was crazy before.

"Your mad, Sink, simply mad," assured my friend Bash in her sweet irish accent the other night over the phone.

Okay, so the plan started small...then ballooned a bit. Just a bit. I finally had the courage to tell my husband the total number the other night. Well, actually he asked me how many people were coming, and I had to tell him.

His jaw just dropped.

Mom's, kids, some brave husbands...some are staying in hotels and visiting during the day, but the rest are staying here, in my house.

Good golly. Now you know why I haven't been blogging -- I've been cleaning and primping.

So I have a few rules for my guests:

1. You are all big girls. If you need anything, find it and take it. If you are hungry or thirsty during a non-meal performance, open the fridge and help yourself.

2. BYOB. I don't know how to buy alcohol. Depending upon how things are going, I might drink some wine. (No, to Bash's G & T. Been there, done that.)

3. The sheets on your bed will be clean...not sure about the closets in the kids' rooms.

4. Everyone must ignore dust bunnies and pre-spring cleaning indoor and outdoor stuff

5. No more worrying about me. I'm having a blast just imagining so many people being here.

6. No guilt. None.

7. Anyone who has a new tattoo must share it with the class.

8. Husbands are optional.

9. Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads.

"Go with You to Do What?"

2009-03-24T14:47:00.007-04:00

Hey, why him and not me?

KP is turning 21 in June.

Sigh. He was my first child. I gave birth to him at 26, as a single mother (long story for another time, but meanwhile, now you know another little secret-and my age!). So, one branch of this family started with KP and me.

KP was home on a brief visit last week and the Slightly More Mature One and I were driving him back to college late at night:

KP - I'm turning 21 in 2 months.

Me - 21!! That can't be right!

SMMO - No dear, that's right.

Me with an audible sigh...

KP - So, Dad, I'm planning for you to take me out for my first beer.

SMMO - Really? Do you even like beer?

Me - Would it really be your first beer? Good job navigating 3 years of college without beer. (Not sure if I should really believe him, but it might be true.)

KP - I know what I want to order: Sam Adams Cherry Wheat.

Me - Ewwwweeee. That doesn't sound like beer. That sounds...I'm not sure what that sounds like... My rambling thinking is moving pretty fast now -- sounds like something you'd put in a sippy cup, and what has happened to the little boy who used to drink from sippy cups? Nevermind sippy cups, the child I breastfed until he was two. How could he possibly be ready for a beer?

SMMO, in his usual reserved way, trying to keep me from ripping the metaphorical beer from my son's vision of a 21st birthday ritual - Do you like beer?

KP - No, but I think it's just an experience we should share on my 21st birthday.

Me - Can I go, too? (I'm still thinking -- he's not really going to drink beer.)

KP - Uh, no, Ma.

SMMO (Alcohol and Drug Counselor, remember?) - Can I have a non-alcoholic brew during this rite of passage ritual? Will it still be the same?

Me, again, with the heavy sigh - I guess I'll make the cake.

It's Everywhere!

2009-03-20T19:45:00.009-04:00

What do you see in this picture?

I am so excited about what I see...and what I can share with my students.

Now do you see it?

Remember that I teach high school math.

Think back to those years of Algebra....with affection, right? You are thinking with affection.

Okay, now what do you see?

Hummmm, does this help?

Filling Holes

2009-03-18T21:12:00.006-04:00

Life opens up in so many ways in the Spring.

With a stretch of my mind I can remember that CC was not born my child. He came to us hardened and well protected, and for good reason. He was keeping the empty holes in his heart from getting any bigger. He dared us to try to get in. He did not want a new family, and told us so.

As the afternoons get longer and we spend more time at outdoor events, I am reminded of a simple yet monumental afternoon last spring. We went to the girls' track meet, then headed over to the field for his baseball game.

"CC, do you have everything you need for baseball?"

He answered without missing a toss or a catch of the ball.

"I have my bat, my mitten, my batting gloves and my Mom. I have
everything I need."

This is why we do what we do. Knowing, that at least for this
moment, that hole is filled. He is content.

And I need a bigger cup.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Swinging into Spring Sports

2009-03-18T20:40:00.005-04:00

Baseball, softball, track and field. All fun.

But there is something about a young boy in a baseball uniform running off to the field.

The little boy I thought I would never have.

I was done having boys.

Girls were so much "easier". (ha)

As we start the new season I recall last summer. CC discovered and became totally obsessed with baseball. He watched The Natural -- Robert Redford with the magical bat carved from a tree hit by lightening -- along with every other baseball movie we could find.

One summer night it was unusually quiet...I asked where CC was. Nobody knew.

I found him.

Sitting on the garage steps carving a bat from a piece of a tree with a putty knife and a saw. Hours. (I took the saw away. left him with the seemingly harmless putty knife.) Slowed him down a bit. He had to go to bed with the job unfinished.

I woke up the next morning early...to the noise. The noise of a chop, chop, chop.

He was back on the garage step carving away...this time with a kitchen knife
from the set that B gave me for Christmas because all the knives had been ruined by boys (including the Slightly More Mature One) using kitchen knives for non-kitchen duties.

I didn't stop him.

I couldn't wait to see the bat.

Corned Beef without the Corn

2009-03-17T19:09:00.007-04:00

Corned beef, cabbage and irish soda bread are not obligatory in our family for St Padraig's day; they are requested often during the year. The kids who grew up with hot meals for breakfast love cabbage soup and cook it for themselves regularly. They love it.

Still, I made my best corned beef and cabbage, potatoes, onions, carrots, and soda bread. The wearin' of the green is a day of celebration and the dinner table discussion followed appropriate topics for the holiday. See if you can follow the lines of thinking:

-Mom, I don't like corn.

-We're having potatoes, carrots and cabbage, honey.

-I know, but don't put too much corn in the beef, okay.

....

-Mom, you're Irish. What does an Irish person look like?

-All different, honey, just like Americans look all different. But often fair skin, freckles, dark hair or red hair, blue or green eyes.

-Do you have a beard, too, mom?

....

-Lots of kids wore green today.

-Mike Murphy dressed up like a leprochaun.

-Yeah, he even had a beard.

-Was Abe Lincoln Irish?

-No, he was tall. The tallest president.

-Barack Obama is tall.

-Only 6'1". Abe Lincoln was 6'4" -- he wouldn't fit in our dining room.

-I don't think Abraham Lincoln would drink beer. He had to be able to think clearly.

-No, he had a beard, not a beer.

....

-I told John I am Irish. He said, no, I'm only Chinese. But I told him I'm Irish because I get that from you, right mom?

-Yes, honey. Your are just as Irish as I am.

-And if I grow up and marry an Irish girl like you, I'll be even more irish.

-CC, you already have a bit o' the Irish in you.

How to Get the House Cleaned

2009-03-15T11:38:00.003-04:00

Dust bunnies, muddy dog paw prints, a week's worth of use of the bathrooms...how to clean the house when the weekend is full of 4 basketball games, a soccer game, grocery shopping, 5 sets of tests to grade, laundry, lunch with aunts and cousin, a 50th birthday party for a friend, and pitching practice:

Tell the kids they can invite friends for a sleepover if they clean the house.

It is spotless! The elves work so well and so fast when it is their guests who are coming!

I'm going to have to remember this.

However, I can't stay home and enjoy the cleanliness -- We're off to Chinese School.

Doing a Job without the Right Equipment

2009-03-13T23:02:00.004-04:00

As much as we try to make choices and keep life balanced and simple, at times a Friday at our house involves a wee bit o' th' runnin' around. (St. Paddy's day this week, eh?)

In order to get three athletes to their scheduled events, EJ has to stay home by herself for about 45 minutes to wait for the slightly more mature one to pick her up after CC's baseball practice.

G and I hold the cell phones in our hands while she is alone because we know she will call us several times.

-Mom!

-Hi, honey, what's up?

-It's terrible, mom.

-What's terrible, honey?

-Riley is humping Annie.

-Oh dear, is he still doing it?

-No, I'm petting him now and he seems happy.Not quite the same, but happy enough.

-That's good. Did you tell him he doesn't have the equipment for that anymore?

-"Now Riley, you don't have the equipment for that anymore." (She is so serious.)

-Mom?

-Yes, dear.

-People don't do that, do they?

-Not without being invited, honey.

-Mom?

-Yes, dear.

-What's equipment?

She is on speaker phone and I am driving...XJ is trying really hard to hold her laughter -- then she says,

-EJ, that's testicles.

Ahhhh, the advantages of a good biology lesson.

And my kids have started to say - after something funny happens - Mom, are you going to put that on your blog?
sink

TT is the Photographer

2009-03-13T22:31:00.001-04:00

...of the picture in the previous post. Our seats were that good!

Inspiration

2009-03-11T11:03:00.020-04:00

Wow. I thought I went to watch a basketball game. Instead, I was offered someone to which I can aspire.

Grace and dignity. Purpose and panache. Balance and beauty. Mothering with a coaching edge. This is what I want to be.

There are different kinds and styles of winning coaches. And winning mothers.

The head coach of one of the teams in the Big East semifinals is clearly a winner -- and not just because she led her team to this tournament.

You can read more about this Strong and Beautiful Woman here, but it strikes me how much parenting and leading a family is similar to being a coach and coaching:

1. Sometimes it is about whether or not you win or lose, and also how you play the game.

2. If you go out of bounds, they do let you back in the game with a little penalty.

3. Keep your pivot foot firmly planted while moving quickly to look for an open move.

4. Fast breaks are exciting, but remember to keep breathing and concentrate on the goal.

5. It's always good to have a cheering section.

6. It's all a team effort; or as Geno Auriemma says, "The only name that counts is the one on the front of the jersey."

7. We nurture, guide and offer suggestions, but the player is the one on the court actually playing the game.

8. Follow your shots whether you know they are sure to score or not.

9. Time outs are a chance to rethink, learn, build hope, and change direction.

10. When a player looks to the bench for guidance, be there with a smile and assurance that the answer is available.

"don't forget to have a good time"

2009-03-10T22:11:00.004-04:00

Present/Infant

lately i've been glaring into mirrors
picking myself apart
you'd think at my age i'd of thought
of something better to do
than making insecurity into a full-time job
making insecurity into art
and i fear my life will be over
and i will have never lived unfettered
always glaring into mirrors
mad i don't look better

but now here is this tiny baby
and they say she looks just like me
and she is smiling at me
with that present infant glee
and yes i will defend
to the ends of the earth
her perfect right to be

so i'm beginning to see some problems
with the ongoing work of my mind
and i've got myself a new mantra
it says: "don't forget to have a good time"
don't let the sellers of stuff power enough
to rob you of your grace
love is all over the place

there's nothing wrong with your face
love is all over the place
there's nothing wrong with your face

lately i've been glaring into mirrors
picking myself apart

~Ani Difranco~

Too much thinking -- too much worrying -- too much seriousness.

The news of the economy can be overwhelming. Fears of scarcity trigger me in a number of ways, but many seem to bring me back to that looking in the mirror - concern about not being young enough, pretty enough, thin enough.

I didn't have a daughter until I was 34 years old -- and she was 9 already. I have had to work at hiding my doubts about myself. I want all my girls to be strong and beautiful women who don't struggle with the insecurities I often feel. I want them to live in a confident way.

It's so easy to jump on the treadmill and work harder at everything. But I want my kids to see me happy, to see me peaceful. I don't want to forget to have a good time. I want to avoid the power of stuff...and we really do live life in that way as much as possible -- and remember the real power of experiences instead. Creating memories is such an important part of parenting.

So again, I am justifying a second night out to watch UConn beat Villanova and Louisville to beat our newly treasured PITT. Powerful women's basketball full of strong and beautiful women.

I loved watching my kids scream and cheer -- and have a good time. And for a couple of hours I truly forgot about my worries.

About to be Bad Parents

2009-03-08T12:00:00.004-04:00

All about choices and priorities...

"Childhood is a journey, not a race."

State and NCLB mandated tests continue this week. For my kids the tests can be a huge source of stress. So much weight is placed on these tests that even TT and CC who had to pass tests in China in order to procede to the next grade level, are extremely nervous about these tests.

So, despite warnings of the healthy breakfasts and good night sleeps required for high performance, when my brother called last night and offered us 8 tickets to two Big East basketball tournament games tonight, we jumped on the opportunity.

My kids will be tired for testing but will have fun courtside and making memories with family and cousins.

That's what we choose for our children. The CMT police will be all over us...

25 Things I Like to Do

2009-03-06T19:38:00.006-05:00

“Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator; but among those whom I love, I can: all of them can make me laugh.”
W. H. Auden

Angus is a friend I love who makes me laugh, so I will play the game he sent me...

Go to Google or Yahoo.
Type, IN QUOTES, "(Yourname) Likes To".
Paste/Post the first 25 results here.

1. Caroline likes to have her stub stroked, but no one does, out of fear of giving offense.
2. Caroline likes to shake her maracas. (Don't ask.)
3. Caroline likes to dress in a tutu and hang out in a cooler. (As long as the margaritas are in the cooler with me...)
4. At the same time, Caroline likes to express this simplicity through the use of luxurious materials, to create very special jewelry. (Humm, I used to make jewelry, before the arrival of #7 and #8.)
5. Caroline truly enjoys the curiosity and diversity of experiences that children bring into her classroom. (Hey, this really is true! I love the kids in my class!)
6. Caroline likes to stand up, take a couple steps, then sit back down again. (See #3.)
7. Caroline likes to teach language arts and art. (And since I don't do this at work, I do it at home.)
8. Caroline likes to dance drum solos in this costume because the fringe accents. (Wow, I want to see this costume.)
9. When not chasing down the latest crime news, Caroline likes to run and travel with her family. (You wouldn't not believe the crimes that happen in our house.)
10. Caroline likes to play all sorts of games, so she basically will play anything. (It doesn't even have to be a rainy day.)
11. Anyways Caroline likes to sing dance, and draw sometimes. (Again with the dancing...)
12. He had been, as Caroline likes to remind me, a “controlling f**kface.” (hummm, I wonder who we are talking about...)
13. In her free-time Caroline likes to exercise, knit. (Which explains why I don't exercise -- no free time.)
14. Caroline likes to work with all types of populations from children to seniors, male or female.
15. Caroline likes to keep her life simple and always finds the positive side of each experience. (This is a good mantra to live by.)
16. Caroline likes to use this costume for dancing with a veil, shamadan (candelabrum), sagat (finger cymbals) or Isis wings. (What? Again I am dancing? Maybe I missed my calling.)
17. "Okay, then, if Caroline likes to play with the water, and you like to eat the pizza, how can we fix our problem?" (This sounds just like me negotiating a conflict between chillins.)
18. Caroline likes to capture the character of people in comfortable and informal settings, perhaps in their home or garden or in the beautiful Wells ... (I am so sorry about the people in the wells.)
19. Our Caroline likes to swing and play on the slides. (Yes, I do. That's why Gary built an adult size swing set.)
20. Caroline likes to establish an on-going working relationship with clients throughout the year so that in addition to managing the statutory audit work she provides support and advice, helping clients to present accounts that are both technically compliant and provide useful, and hopefully interesting, information to readers. (huh?)
21. Caroline likes to watch old movies, read, write, and shop in her free time. (Sounds like a good way to live...I don't shop.)
22. Well Caroline likes to barf in the same places. (Self explanatory.)
23. Caroline likes to spend read her credentials and biography. (?)
24. Caroline likes to read, cook, travel, play soccer, do yoga, hike, and explore.
25. When not exploring war zones, Caroline likes to visit museums and castles, I prefer to wander around and feel the atmosphere. (War Zones? Like the teenagers' bedrooms?)

And the most common hit could not be printed here...Let's just say that "Caroline Likes to xxxxx" is the title of a movie you wouldn't find at Blockbuster.

Grandpuppy's New Name...

2009-03-03T20:27:00.003-05:00

...has not yet been decided. The list in the dining room offers these brainstormed possibilities for the little white boxer:

Co-Co
Maxie
Simon
Beach
Karl
Chad
Chester
Cooper
Mario
Oliver
James
T. Rex
Smokey
Buddy
Hippo
Phoenix
Snoy
Sandy
Knock Out
TKO
Brawler
Sport
Rocky
Sugar Ray
Dempsey
George Foreman
Griller
South Paw
La Hoya
Joe Louis

It will be interesting to see what BHN chooses!

Meanwhile, here is the email that G sent to BHN when he heard about the puppy:

Congratulations!!! Here's some puppy-raising advice from an ol' hand, for whatever it's worth...

1. Always remember, no matter how tired, frustrated or hopeless you may feel sometimes, or when you're 2nd guessing yourself (and you will at some point - count on it) between the long nights, cleaning up messes constantly, chewing and teething, never knowing what you're going to find destroyed when you get home at the end of the day... (Did you see Marley and Me?) Just talk yourself through it with gentle reminders, "it's only a phase, it's only a phase, it won't last forever."

2. It all gets much easier once they learn the whole house/potty training thing...

3. Train early and train often. Treats are good re-inforcers. (The little no/low calorie biscuits broken up into halves work great). BUT... the best motivator is PRAISE... enthusiastic words, and a pat on the head works wonders...

4. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING - Be consistent. Don't let even little things slide, or you'll have twice the work to do to make up for it - and never let it beg... it'll drive you crazy once it's a teenager and wants the ca ... oh, wait a minute... Sorry, I get confused... they're so similar...

xxox

See why I love him?

Granola Recipe of Sorts

2009-03-02T11:59:00.003-05:00

Think moist, mix, toast, add.

In a large mixing bowl mix honey, maple syrup, and/or molasses and cinnamon, nutmeg and/or vanilla. I generally use about half honey, half maple syrup to total about 3/4-1 cup.

Add 4-5 cups old fashioned oats, 1/2 cup or so of ground flax, wheat germ too, if you want.

Mix it all up to moisten. There will be some clumps, but not all clumped. If it's too dry, I add more liquid. If it's too wet, I add more oats. (Not terribly scientific, I'm afraid.)

Lightly oil a cookie sheet and spread mixture out on the pan. Toast in the oven at 300 degrees for about 15 minutes, then turn with a spatula. Do that another 1 or two times, until it is all toasted.

Let cool. Add almonds, raisins, and/or other dried fruit. I think about what I am going to add when I decide upon the spices at the beginning. (Kari-you are probably better at the combinations than I am.)

Store in an airtight container in the pantry.

Snow Day to Do List

2009-03-02T10:01:00.007-05:00

Snow days are God's gift to teachers. Everyone should be able to have a snow day every once in awhile. It's a free day, where every thing stops. Of course, we do make them up in June, and if we have too many more snow days, we'll be making them up in April...

I do love snow. And snow days.

Wanna Dos

1. Make pancakes for kiddos
2. Play at least one good game of Monopoly or cribbage with the kids
3. Color and/or paint with the girls
4. Read to the kids
5. Read to myself
6. Stay in my pajamas all day

Have-to-dos

1. ~~Clean the bathrooms~~
2. Catch up on laundry
3. School work that I didn't do yesterday because I knew that we would have a snow day today -- I wonder what the chances are that we will have a snow day again tomorrow?
4. Make granola for the week - oatmeal, flax seed, dried fruit, maple syrup, yummy
5. Supervise XJ making cookies - she loves to bake
6. Make dinner plans for the week
7. Make marshmallow treats for lunches
8. Make soup from the Sunday ham - humm, let's see, pea and/or lentil
9. Make bread to go with the soup - perfect for a snow day

Notice that I don't have to put "read blogs" on my list because I am sure to do that anyway.

Math question for the day: How long does it take 6 elves to shovel the driveway if they are promised hot chocolate upon completion?

Communication Gap

2009-02-28T19:27:00.003-05:00

TT answered the phone today while I was out. She told me when I returned that some man called but she couldn't understand him. This whole exchange will be funnier if you remember that TT still has a Chinese accent.

-I asked him three times to repeat what he was saying before I understood him.

-Was he talking too fast?

-No, he had an accent.

-What was he calling about?

-Chinese school. He said something about Chinese school.

-Oh, he had a Chinese accent.

-Yeah..

-But he was speaking English?

-Yeah, and I couldn't understand him because I don't have an accent anymore.

-Okay, could you have asked him to speak in Chinese?

-Oh, yeah, I could have done that.

"How Do You Do It?"

2009-02-27T15:51:00.003-05:00

The question asked of parents of large families...

When they ask the other question ("Now, how many children do you have?") there are a variety of ways that I have learned to answer:

-almost apologetically,

-without saying the actual number,

-e-i-g-h-t pronouncing the t with great finality so that it is clear that we are done

-naming the kids or the ages and hoping the asker will miscount as I talk quickly

However, the "how do you do it?" question is a little trickier:

-by the skin of my teeth

-carefully

-oh, we don't really do it

-just the same way that you do it - only more (Do you still remember what the question was?)

-not always very well

-oh, it's so much fun we just do it.

Probably the most honest answer is "not always very well".

We try to keep priorities, try to communicate as much as possible, try to plan everything out.

But today we goofed a bit.

This afternoon CC has baseball from 5:30 - 6:30. EJ has soccer from 7 - 8. TT has tutoring from 3-4. I need to pick up meds from the pharmacy by 4:30. We have to gather everything to meet with the tax preparer tomorrow. We plan to complete the application to refinance our mortgage tonight.

I walk in the door from school and TT is sitting at the table. She forgot to go to tutoring -- or I forgot to remind her, depending upon perspective.

EJ tells me that a friend at school reminded her that the confirmation class is going to Temple tonight -- oops, I read that email last week and promptly forgot it.

The meal I had planned to cook for dinner tonight, was cooked last night because the kids were extra hungry - they basically had two dinners.

Super oops. We might be having "fend" for dinner.

So, we don't always "do it well", but we are "doing it".

New Horizons

2009-02-27T11:14:00.005-05:00

Holy Cats! There is a whole other world out there!!

I had no idea. No wonder the word blog-o-sphere had to be created!

So I start off writing for myself, for fun, for a creative outlet in this busy life. Then I find myself wanting people to read what I have to say...this feels self-absorbed and not-so healthy.

Next thing I know, I find myself reading what others have to say. And reading, and reading, and reading. A link to a link, to a link. There are whole circles (aha - rings) of blogs of all different categories. I am immersed in more to learn and experience through the eyes of others.

I love the posts that offer me something to learn as much as those that challenge my thinking.

And there seems to be some standards of behavior for which I do not yet know the rules: If someone visits my blog, I should (and want to) visit them back. A return of the favor. If someone comments on my blog, it sure feels good, so I want to do the same for the visitor. What other rules do I need to know?

And so far, the supreme blessing: a follower. Wow, it even sounds spiritual.

I think I like reading even more than writing.

Re-entry

2009-02-25T21:56:00.003-05:00

returning home after time away
I was only gone from Thursday until Sunday, but I don't vacation without my children very often. For kids who worry, sometimes unknowingly, about a loved one leaving forever, reentry can be difficult.

Many of us have experienced the feelings in our own lives; if I find reasons to be angry or to push a loved one away, I will be less likely to be hurt. It's a great plan of protection. I am so afraid of that hurt, that I would rather feel any other negative emotion than the emptiness of that pain.

That pain is always just below the surface for our kids. All of our kids need to feel the unconditional love we have for them so that their foundations can be rebuilt. We can put the love and the foundation out there for them, but what matters is if they feel it.

Our task then, is to create the canvas, to open the doors, so that they can feel what we have to offer.

And we just keep doing it.

Company's Coming

2009-02-24T22:57:00.007-05:00

A number of wonderful friends are descending upon our family for a weekend visit in April. The kids are almost as excited as I am. Of course we want to put our best feet forward and everyone wants to be helpful.

Ellie recently remembered Grim's last visit and was wondering if the next visit would be similar:

"Mom, will Grim have a turnover again?"

"Last time I made granola, I think, honey."

"No, no, Mom," She gets a little frustrated when I have trouble understanding what she is trying to say. Ellie has been here since she was 9 and she is now 14, but language has been a bit of a struggle for her.

"Remember, she had a turnover and came to breakfast wearing her sunglasses?"

"Ohhhhh, that's called a HANGOVER, honey."

"Yeah, that's it, a turnover. Mom, you can't let her have a turnover again. Remember she toasted the tic tac and melted the marshmallow over the candle for dessert?"

Ellie can't wait for Grim to visit.

"Let's make good desserts, mom, so she doesn't have to toast a tic tac."

Green and Economical

2009-02-22T22:05:00.004-05:00

Homemade Laundry Detergent:
1 cup borax
1 cup washing soda
1 bar fels naptha, grated

All of these items are available at the regular supermarket. I use 2 tsps. for our huge front load washer and it costs pennies per load.

The Quiet

2009-02-21T17:34:00.005-05:00

The Quiet has an identity.

I have been visiting my parents for the last couple of days at the beach - WITHOUT my children or my spouse. First time in 20 years.

Wow.

It

is

so

quiet.

At home at times I can be alone in my room for short periods of time if all of the kids are busy (not when I'm in the bathroom. Anyone who is a mom knows about the secret alarm attached to the toilet seat -- it goes off downstairs every time a mom sits down -- there are flashing lights that blink "she's in the bathroom, she's in the bathroom" so that anyone and everyone can come to knock on the door.) But even when I am alone in my room I can hear the noise of family all around me. You can imagine the sounds of a home with many children and a couple of canine family members, I'm sure. Ball playing out doors (or in - but that's another story), singing, dancing, a long game of monopoly being continued from day to day, the latest spinning talent being shared, the drums (yes, I bought the drum set).

But here, in a huge beach home with my retired, but very active parents,

it

is

too

doggone

quiet.

I'm ready to go home.

Beach Visit in Summer vs. Beach Visit in Winter

2009-02-20T06:42:00.012-05:00

1. Summer: The day starts with a walk along the beach.
Winter: Walk along the beach will happen after the sun has warmed the earth a bit more.

2. Summer: Daily shower outside includes naked skin touched by ocean breezes
Winter: Are you kidding? Turn the heat up on the radiator before hopping in the indoor shower.

3. Summer: Save the morning coffee for ice coffee after the return from the beach.
Winter: Finish all the coffee by lunch time because even the energy level is different.

4. Summer: Cold beer on the patio before dinner
Winter: merlot at the kitchen counter while cooking

5. Summer: smells of salt and sand abound
Winter: aroma of Grandma's brownies fill the house

6. Summer: The beach trip is just one part of an endless summer of idleness.
Winter: Trip home leads back to school, work and the real life

And the kids learn English...

2009-02-18T18:50:00.003-05:00

"You're annoying."

"You're annoyinger."

"You're annoyingiest. Ha, you can't beat that. I e - s - t'd you."

The joys of having the wireless laptop in the kitchen with me while I cook.

Celebrity Amongst Us

2009-02-18T14:15:00.001-05:00

Tao Tao has been in our family since July 2006. She decided about a year prior that she was willing to take the giant leap from life in the country of her birth across a vast ocean to a new place with new people, new language, new experiences.
Pretty scary thought.

I had a hard enough time moving from teaching middle school to high school, a decision that I made at about the same time. Teaching middle school math for 22 years was comfortable, safe. The transition to high school students was scary. My own high school children at home warned me. "They're going to eat you alive, Mom." "You're too nice to be a high school teacher." "You need to learn how to be sarcastic." High school kids are big, and their problems are big. To top it off, the new teacher in the department is awarded with the Consumer Math class, also known as "Sweat Hogs". Baptism by fire, if you ask me.

This transition was nothing for me compared to the transition that my Song Tao, 12, and Bai Chun, 10, were making at the same time.

Tao Tao "chose" to take this dive into a new family and a new culture. Really. She was given the "option" of signing papers to be adopted by a United States family or finishing 2 more years in the Social Welfare Institute and schooling in China. She did not really know what would happen after that.

Chun Chun did not have a choice. He knew that he had to do whatever his sister decided because he knew they would stay together.

I cannot imagine the inner strength that Tao Tao, a blossoming pre teen, must have had. I know now that she is a confident young woman, and still, to take the leap into a new language, culture and family would take a strength I can only respect.
The "labor" of the new birth within our family was emotional, physical, and tumultuous in China. She spent a whole day with her head under a blanket. We mothered and fathered her until she poked her eye out. We took the control we needed to take as parents to lead her into this new life, this life she chose. Ultimately, we can only parent her as much as she allows us to parent her.

I continue to learn so much from my children. I put out what I can, what I have, and sometimes what I don't have, but what I need to, yet in the end, it is up to the children to take. TT grasps at time with both hands on to what we have to offer, and leaps. She leaps into this new life with a gusto and a fearlessness. She is afraid, but she is living the leap anyway.

So, Tao Tao was interviewed for a local paper, at recommendation of a teacher, because she has been in this country only two years, excels at sports and academics, and all in all, has made an amazing transition. The article cannot begin to touch the whole story, but yes, we agree that she is an amazing person, as is each of our kids in his or her own way.

"Feel Free Not to Say Anything"

2009-02-16T18:34:00.001-05:00

Transitions...

Transitions to new relationships with our children.

I know how to parent little kids. I know how to parent preteens, teens, and even kids who are little kids while in their teens. Our job is to form and be a foundation on which they build the rest of their lives. We help them to make memories. We hope to give them experiences and skills to make good decisions and become good and happy people.

At some point we have to decide to let them be themselves. Completely.

So as we transition to young adulthood our roles have to change.

When I am with my oldest children it is so easy to slip into the guiding mother role, even when I am not asked for guidance. Big no no.

Colin and I went on a college visit today. There was wonderful one-on-one time, conversation, excitement about the next step. Then we drove to visit Kyle at his college and take him out to lunch.

As soon as Kyle got in the car there were two of them and one of me. The conversation shifted. They are tight brothers having a bond of which I am proud. They will never be alone. They speak their own language, laugh at jokes I don't understand. When I try to chime in I can tell the laugh is more at me than with me. Not in a bad way -- just in a way that I can't completely relate. I am quiet again. Until...

Kyle says something that needs to be parented a bit. I don't remember exactly what -- it might have been about a party he went to, staying up too late, not eating well - something along those lines. When I speak the mother words, ouch, my hand is slapped. I can't do that anymore...thanks for the reminder. He needs to be his own person. I need to parent him on his own terms. For the most part.

I am quiet again.

And reflective.

I have a great relationship with the boys, very open, very trusting, very honest. I am grateful.

So, I open up about this change in our relationship.

"I'm starting to get this parenting of young adults stuff," I say. "I can't really be a peer with you in conversation. That gives you guys the willies."

"Uh, yeah, mom."

"I can't give you unsolicited guidance anymore. I need to parent you only as much as you want to be parented."

"Uhhhh, yeah mom."

"Humm," I say.

"Feel free to be quiet, Mom," says the future comedy writer in the most respectful way.

And the three of us burst into laughter.

I feel very loved. In a different way.

And I am quiet the rest of the way home, listening to the joyous conversation of two brothers who no longer see eachother enough. And they pull me into the conversation when it is most appropriate in this period of transition. I will enjoy this time while we have it.

Jumping into Family

2009-02-05T19:54:00.001-05:00

This video says a great deal.

Joining a new family is a lot like jumping into the water feet first. It's much easier to do if someone is holding your hands. Some children are more resistent than others. The children who are firm in the family lead and the others follow. TT and CC came to us at 12 and 10 years old. They had already lived lives before they joined ours.

How do children feel belonging? And what kind of guts does it take to make the plunge? Do they touch the cold water with a big toe and quickly pull it out? Or do they close their eyes and trust? Each of our kids has a different journey. Slowly, CC is getting wet. We needed to drag him in a bit, but he is, ultimately, as drenched as the rest of us.

And as I post this video he is looking over my shoulder. He doesn't know what I am writing yet he says, "You know, Ma, you know what we should call this video? "Jump together".

Yes, dear son, we are jumping together.

And I need yet a bigger cup.

But Mom, the School Talks Like That?!

2009-02-05T19:39:00.001-05:00

This is the back of Song Tao's school basketball team T-shirt -- the T-shirt for which we paid $12 before we saw it.

You can't see the front in these pictures, but the front is very nice. It has the name of her school team - not being published to protect the people in power - and a big, colorful basketball.

Song Tao is in seventh grade and Gary and I are struggling:
Why is it appropriate for a middle school team to have a slogan such as this one?Should a school be a reflection of the current society, or should the school be a beacon to which society should aspire? Is it a place to learn what should be or a place to experience what already is?

Maybe I'm becoming one of the old uncool parents - golly, when did that happen? I don't want my children wearing phrases that I don't want them to repeat in front of my parents.

I do believe that the school should offer something special for my children. I want them to be treated better than they are in "real life". I want the school to model what could be rather than what already is.

Am I expecting too much?

Moments without Memories

2009-02-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

Good moments make good memories. Life is full of great times that become wonderful memories. We do what we do so that we can enjoy it now and so that we can enjoy it again when we remember it.

"Living in the moment" takes on a whole new meaning when one is visiting with a person who has Alzheimer's. She is instantly happy as soon as she sees me. At times she knows I am someone important to her; she knows she loves me, and tells me so. Sometimes she knows I am her neice. And there are still moments when she knows my name.

Her laughter is so rich and so deep. Each individual moment is happy. She gets to the end of a laugh and doesn't remember why she was laughing. But she is content. And says so. When I ask her how she is, she says, "I am content".

Then her brain flits out of this moment and into the past. "Do you know my Aunt Mary Murphy? When is she coming to see me? I need to get down the hill to see my mother. Have you seen my mother?" She seems to have only good memories. Her brain is being so kind to her.

What is it in a soul that brings out only the content and happy memories? What a gift it is that the resentment and unrest and fallen away and left only happiness.

I listen and affirm feelings and questions. My job is to simply be there, to hold her hand while her mind meanders. She is thrilled to see me and asks me to stay. "When are you coming back?" I am painfully aware that it doesn't matter how I answer, but I tell her the truth anyway.

"Next time," she promises me like a loving aunt, "Let's take a walk. Don't worry about your shoes. Just wear something comfortable. We'll walk and talk."

Next time we will live in the next moment. Moments that will never become memories.

Hershey Spa and Drool

2009-01-30T21:51:00.001-05:00

Posted previously at a different site.

Summer 2007

Our summer is almost over. I return to work on Monday. One of the highlights of the summer was the 4 days I had in Hershey, PA with a group of women friends who all have children from China. There were 4 of us who didn't bring children, and we treated ourselves to a day at a spa.

Now, I don't get away much...I don't get away much without children, and I have never been to a spa.

Bud, Grim, Cob and I (My nickname is sink to commemorate our lost luggage in China and the two weeks of washing clothes in the sinks of China.) ended our day at the spa with Chocolate Martinis (Thanks, Jean N., for teaching me about martinis.)at the Hershey Hotel. But I could have used a drink earlier in the day....

First of all...the setting was the Hershey Spa which to me, hick girl from the hills of CT, was like a scene from Dallas or Dynasty. (Sorry, I don't have any recent TV comparisons--we don't have cable, remember). I want into this glitzy spa lobby that is about as frilly fru fru as you can get. After I complete this long questionnaire aboutexactly how may crevices I would like massaged with the cocoa oil (Hershey, remember) a beauty-spa lady takes me on a TOUR of the locker room.

Yes, this is a locker room that needs a TOUR. She looks me up and down and takes the largest size fluffy robe (I'm sure its the largest 'cuz it fits) then asks me what size shoe I wear. She hands me my own personal slipper/sandal things. She teaches me use the lockers, that by the way, are made of nicer wood and hardware than my kitchen cabinets at home. She tells me to change into my robe and when I'm ready sit in the fancy blue locker room chair. Now, mind you, I have to whisper-ask her if I can keep my panties on, not that I'm proud of my panties, but I'm thinkin', well, you know...

Once I'm all ready (yes, panties still on) I sit down in the blue chair around the corner, can't see a soul from here, but someone is watching me...I don't have my panty covered bum in the chair for 2 seconds before a masseuse (no idea how to spell) comes around the corner with a clip board and says, "Miss Alger, I'm here to bring you to your massage." HOW did she know I just sat down!?! There must be cameras in this place. Creepy.

Massage-lady takes me out of the locker room, past the aromatherapy room, past the quiet room (also known as the room where Grim figures out a way to flirt with a man WITHOUT talking), up the stairs, all the while passing all of these other people shuffling in the same slipper/sandals and in the same yellow robes. I'm already feeling a bit like an asylum.

Nice massage...cocoa smelling and all...the massage-lady tells me that the next thing I will be doing is meeting my party in the OASIS room, said with a slightly hoity-toity expression, for lunch. I ask if I can put my clothes on first, and massage-lady tells me, "if you really would like to but everyone else will be in their robes."

Any of you ever have nightmares where you are in a public place...naked? Or in a funny yellow robe and slipper/sandals?

Massage-lady brings me to the elevator, pushes the button and I say, "wait a second, where am I going? How do I get there?" I'm actually kind of afraid of where she's going to leave me out in this robe and slippers.

"When the elevator door opens, you will be there,"ethereal-voice-massage-lady says. You know the voice I mean...the same voice that Phoebe on Friends uses when she talks to a massage client. (We do have all 10 seasons of Friends on DVD in our cable free house.)

Take a guess how fast my post-massage heart rate was going in this elevator to the OASIS room in the robe and slipper/sandals? I don't think I've ever rode in an elevator while wearing nothing but a robe and panties. Oh, and my slipper/sandals.

The dimly lit elevator (*I* don't feel dim-witted yet, that comes later.) opens and I see tall green plants and a hostess holding a clip board. "You are the first in the Woodward Party to arrive. Would you like to wait inside or out in the garden?"

Where are the video cameras? How did she know I was with the Woodward Party? Is there a homing device in my fuzzy robe?

I look around the OASIS room and THANK GOD there are other people shuffling around in fuzzy yellow robes and slipper/sandals. I say a little thankful prayer and take it all in. Big huge balding man who needs a larger robe is shuffling past me toward the buffet. A couple of other fuzzy robes are shuffling in the background. I look out the patio doors and there are no robes out there...I need to get outside...I need to be away from the yellow robes...I need fresh air....

"I'll sit outside, thank you." I think I sound composed...Yeah, I eat lunch in public in a fuzzy robe regularly...this is really normal...hey, I'm wearing my panties...I can sit outside on a bench like a big girl.

She opens the patio doors ('cuz those of us in fuzzy robes can't do anything for ourselves..can't push elevator buttons or anything)

Ahhh, a rocking chair, I love rocking chairs. I sit. And I think to myself, "Wow, this is crazy...I feel like I'm in an insane asylum."Then I try to meditate myself out of this. I think about living in the moment...appreciating the beauty around me. I see bright sun light and I feel better already. I am a nature girl at heart. The flowers are beautiful. I see a butterfly. My heart rate is starting to return to normal.

Yes, my hands are folding in my lap. Yes, I'm feeling more peaceful. I'm actually content. This isn't so bad. I can do this. I can sit here in a rocker, in a fuzzy yellow robe and slipper/sandals....ahhh...this is what a relaxing spa is...I think I
get it.

The patio door opens and three robes are waving at me...wait, no...they're not waving at me... they're LAUGHING at me...why? I have a robe on? I have panties on?..oh...those are my FRIENDS! They're laughing at me and waving me over. I feel them saying "Get off the rocker, Sink! Come in here! What are you doing!?"

So, Grim greats me at the door with "You are a vision." Grim loves me. "If only you were drooling..." Oh, man, she saw the insane asylum vision too. I really do fit in with the shuffling robes. Shot. I thought I was relaxed. I have failed at spa-ing.

The buffet lady introduced us to the food on the buffet telling us what every dish was - 'cuz you know, fuzzy robe people can't identify chicken salad wraps on their own anymore than they can push elevator buttons.

We all sit down in this fancy-smancy place, IN OUR ROBES, to eat ourlunch. We discuss my lack of drool and I say "I feel like I'm in a scene from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest."

Then I ask the really important question:

"Okay, who is wearing her panties??" I really wanna know.

I think I was the only one.

Sink
PS I really did enjoy the whole spa experience and might be convinced to do it again.

Fantasy at Both Ends

2009-01-25T16:30:00.000-05:00

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
- Dr. Seuss

This quote takes on a whole new meaning as we look at the other end of a life.

Fantasy for children is learning, and fun and socially acceptable. Adults can participate if children are involved. But as we get older our fantasies turn to only the dreams that are realistic. We become serious, purposeful, driven, even.

As I visited today with a not-so-old aunt who suffers from dementia, my initial feelings were sadness -- loss.

However, the reality is that the hard parts of her life have fallen away and left behind only the joy. She did not have an easy life. She was plagued by demons of all kinds. These demons did not allow her to enjoy healthy relationships. She hurt many people, including those who still suffer from her actions and words. As much as there were pieces of happiness and goodness in her life, it has been difficult to accept all that was this person. That is, except through the eyes on an overindulged and unconditionally loved niece.

Now she lives in a world of fantasy. She laughs and loves, speaks kindly. She doesn't remember the conflicts, the torment, the struggles. Her mind flits from happy place to happy place. And she remembers people and faces from the past. She remembers them lovingly. What a gift.

She lives deep in this fantasy, and I am happy to see her at peace.

Now my task is to help others heal.

Another Elastic Day

2009-01-22T21:06:00.000-05:00

We took Kyle to college today. New college, new dorm. New experience. He had to take some placement tests and by the time I returned home he had emailed me a copy of his essay. With his permission, I post it here:

Kyle Department of English, Placement Test – Topic 5 1/22/09

For a child who grows up without a father, especially a young boy, there is a certain group of key elements that get left out as that child grows up. Imagine trying to cram in all the baseball games your father took you to or all the times he picked you up and spun you around in the air or even those precious few moments where he told you he was proud of you, into one afternoon. That is what I attempted to do as a young, immature and inquisitive third-grader.

It was a blustery, late October day. I had just finished a soccer game in which I played goalkeeper for the Burlington travel team when a Subaru with a kayak rack on the roof rolled into the parking lot. My Mother had attempted to talk me out of this meeting earlier that week. While she was always supportive of anything I wanted to do, she seemed apprehensive at the thought of me meeting my real father.

Surprisingly, my Mother had never spoken ill of my Father even when I wanted her to. Every once in a while when I would ask to do a new activity like hiking, rock-climbing or kayaking, she would comment that I must have gotten those genes from my father. She would tell stories as I sat with rapt attention about trips he had taken to far off lands to traverse mountain ranges and battle immense rapids in Colorado. I had images of this young, sturdy man with a backpack permanently strapped to his back, climbing distant peaks and wrestling mountain lions on the rocks. This image had stuck with me even to the moment his car rolled up and the door began to open.

As he stepped out of the Subaru, he was nothing like I had pictured. First of all, he was old. His silver –gray hair was shortly cropped and barely connected to the two day old beard he was sporting. He was average size and build but had a slight limp, from what, I did not know. Still, his presence impressed me somehow. I don't know if it was just his appearance but something made me sense that this man had lived a lot of life and come out at the worse end of it.

I don't honestly recall the first words that he said to me. I don't remember him smiling or speaking, what I do remember was the handshake. He extended his leathery, weathered hand and gripped mine tightly, too tightly. I winced and my Mother noticed and stepped in. They had not spoken yet and their silence told me one thing, this was my show. I had pre-selected an activity to do while my father and I met. I was an avid hiker at the time and there were some trails right across from the soccer field. I suggested this, hugged my mother and off we went.

The howling of the wind stopped at once as we entered the forest and the silence instantly engulfed us. With only the crunching of leaves to accompany us I started to wonder if this was a good idea, but then he spoke. "So, you play soccer huh?" he said apprehensively. "Yeah, I play goalie, our team is great and my coach is awesome," I blurted in rapid fire succession. "Good, good," he said. "Sports are important, you do well in school?" "I do okay," I mumbled. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that yes; I was doing well in school, but was picked on mercilessly by a select few boys.

Our conversation moved along just as our hike did. We spoke of school, my mother and my dog. I never asked him why he left my Mother before I was born, I didn't want to know and I am sure he was grateful for that. I so desperately wanted to adore him like a son should adore a father that I pushed everything else out. It wasn't until I brought up hiking and rock-climbing and when he told me that he hadn't done either of those in years I started to question my hopes. The image of this mysterious, absent father who wasn't there for me because he was out on some grand adventure came crashing down.

The trail circled back to the start where my mother was waiting. As we immerged from the forest I now realize that it was a different boy who came out of those woods. With my dreams now grounded I knew that it was up to me and me alone to make things happen. We said our goodbyes and he got back into his Subaru and drove off down the road.

I grew up with my mother and I am my mother's son. No, we didn't go to baseball games and she couldn't pick me up and spin me around, but she was my home base, she was there for me whenever I needed her or a second chance. My father never gave me the first chance and you know what? I am alright with that.

A Bigger Cup?

2009-01-18T08:44:00.000-05:00

So, honest now, how many of you thought that "a bigger cup" had to do with bra size?

The Economy according to Chun

2009-01-17T23:44:00.001-05:00

Bandaid and bandage supply to rival any Emergency room - $ constant
cost

Replace kitchen window - $500 plus installation

Patch and paint 4 holes in walls, including large enough holes to
require sheet rock (so far) - $75 + Gary's labor

Patches for knees of pants - labor of love

Dents from basketballs in van that have yet to be repaired - $who
knows

Outside lantern - $350

Outside light - $200

Replace a gazillion spoons, forks, and glasses - $the world may never know...

Repair broken wrist - $250 deductible

Parenting the Chunster -

PRICELESS